Dear Richard Madeley: I’ve been dumped by my grandchildren – how can I rebuild our relationship?

I was in huge demand as they were growing up, and I’m disappointed that they’re no longer in touch

I have seven grandchildren, ranging from eight to 21. I was in huge demand as they were growing up – school holidays, parents working and so on. We had such fun; they always wanted to be at Granny’s. I dealt with tears, illnesses, problems they couldn’t share with anyone else.
Now, sadly, I have been well and truly dumped. I always knew as they got older that things would change. I know the older ones are more independent now, and anyway, to be honest, at 74 I have no desire to bounce on the trampoline or whizz down the zip wire any more. But they just don’t keep in touch, even though the older ones are driving and live only half an hour away.
I’m not super-needy, I have a busy life; but after years of precious closeness the occasional call or text would make my day. To be honest, I think my overall feeling is one of disappointment. I don’t blame their parents, in fact I have mentioned it to them and they have passed on some very gentle comments to the older ones (I’ve asked them not to make a big deal of it).
I feel the onus is on me to build a new and more ‘grown-up’ relationship – do you have any ideas as to how I might do so?
— Ellie, via email
None of our relationships is a constant. They are all in flux and flow, and none are more tidal than those with our children and grandchildren.
I sense a slight touch of King Canute in your letter; a difficulty in accepting the natural flow of things (although to be fair to Canute, he didn’t believe he could turn back the tide – he was giving his subjects a demonstration of the limits of kingly power).
I completely understand why you feel ‘dumped’, but honestly Ellie, that’s an overreaction. You haven’t been ‘dumped’, any more than an investor who has watched their ships sail out on to the ocean and slowly dip below the horizon. All those years of closeness you miss so much now were part of preparing your grandchildren to set out on their own voyage on to the sea of life. You should be proud of them and of what you’ve helped them achieve.
As far as building a new, ‘grown-up’ relationship goes, here’s what I suggest. Make it easy for them (and yourself). Use email. Write regular chatty updates to them, especially the older ones, with your own news and ask for theirs in return. Don’t expect same-day replies; try to be relaxed about these exchanges. 
In fact, try to relax a bit more generally about this whole issue, Ellie. Remember your Ecclesiastes (or The Byrds, if you’re of that generation): ‘To everything there is a season… a time to plant, and a time to harvest…’ You enjoyed a wonderful sowing season with your grandchildren, didn’t you? Don’t feel shut out now that they’re beginning to reap the harvest. They couldn’t have done it without you, so be proud of yourself – and them.
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